My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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