...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
