Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
