you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But theres a keg here and me gusta
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
