i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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