this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
