Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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