I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
