Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
