My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
