Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
