I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
