The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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