Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize