Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
