So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
