You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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