Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
