I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
