I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I will be naked everywhere
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
