Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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