Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
MIDGETS
????
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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