you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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