Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
