she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
