I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What drink are we having for lunch?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
