just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
