I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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