What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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