cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
