I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
