I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
