I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
