Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
