Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
