my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Its about making memories worth repressing
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize