8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
