also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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