I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
