He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize