Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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