when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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