Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
