Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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