you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
