That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
