yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
