she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
