dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
