Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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