then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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