why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
