I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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