I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
