either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
