dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
