She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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