Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
