Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
