Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
