is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
