Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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