I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
