Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize