if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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