Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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