If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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