Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
