We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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