Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
